About a year ago, there was enough stress in my life that I developed eczema on the palms of my hands and finger tips. I received a prescription from my dermatologist for an ointment that was to be used sparingly (and easily so, as it was not pleasant). Since then the weak and dry areas have shifted around my hands, but have not gone away because my stresses have not gone away.
However, recently some of the more major stresses have abated and I'm slowly adjusting to the reduced worries that have plagued my mind. I've been asked a number of times lately if I'm relieved that certain changes have occurred and my response has been something like "I'm still getting used to the idea", but as I continued to await the expected relief, it didn't come. Instead, I continued to anticipate the next wrong thing to happen and I continued to stress over the issues that remained.
In place of feeling relief or joy at my freedoms or triumphs, I only felt an emptiness and eventually I began to wonder why the now empty space inside me that had been so bitter wasn't filling with sweet goodness by itself. I started to question my ability to be happy and thought perhaps I had been altered by my years of fretting.
And then I remembered something that happened to me a few years ago that was perhaps one of the most profound things to ever happen to me.
When I was a late teen, one of my friends had a conversation with me where I was asked why I believed in God. I discovered then that my belief was not founded in something I could easily defend and as such, my faith was shaken. For years I continued to search for my truth, but in the end I finally determined that I must choose to believe in God if I have the desire.
So now, I’m faced with the amazing potential for options to fill this void that with any luck will continue to be left behind from the reduction of stress. I recognize that I must seize this opportunity and not just wait for the happiness to come, I must choose to be pleasant and enjoyable, I must exercise my smile and look for ways to assist others in finding delight in this world.
“You just think happy thoughts. They lift you into the air.”
–Wendy from Peter Pan
